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Letting Go of Anger

Don't fuel the fury -- learn to forgive!

Every guide to good Karma starts with one golden rule: Let go of anger! If someone has hurt you and you’re holding on to pain and anger, you’re holding yourself back from moving on and you’re doing damage to your own Karma.

Right. We all get that part. But just try suggesting forgiveness to someone struggling with huge hurt and you’re met with cries of “But, how??” or “I wish!”

Well, now's your chance to open a door to healing and understanding. 

Trust us, forgiveness may not be easy, but it’s not impossible -- and it’s essential for your mental health. Letting go of anger begins with empathy and acceptance, and perhaps some conscious work on your own behavior and thought patterns.

Here are a few tips to help you work toward letting go of anger so you can move on:

Examine your anger

First ask yourself, is your level of anger appropriate and proportionate to the way you feel you were wronged? If you feel your anger is valid, you can start by working toward acceptance. If you are filled with rage and bent on revenge (which is never ok), you likely need to speak with a professional to help you work through it.

Start with acceptance

You cannot change what happened, so you must learn to accept it. And remember that “acceptance” is a gateway to forgiveness. Perhaps you can’t forgive right away, but if you can try to acknowledge and accept what happened it’s a solid first step.

Take a step back

Physically remove yourself from the source of your anger. Don’t see the person or cause of your anger, don’t speak to them and remove any tokens that remind you of the situation. The less you think about it, see it and talk about it, the less you’ll continue to feel it. Distract yourself with things that make you happy instead of fueling the fury.

Fake it ‘til you make it

We don’t mean you should pretend to forgive when you don’t, but you could try to act as though you have. That behavior will smooth the anger ripples so eventually you won’t just be acting.

What if they make it too hard?

If you're struggling to forgive someone who won't apologize or admit any wrong, try apologizing to them first. It may seem backward, but it will open the door to communication if you can be the bigger person. Beyond that, it may help to write in your journal, meditate or speak with wise friends, and try to reflect on times when the tables were turned and you may have hurt someone yourself.

Moving on

Remember that forgiving someone does not mean you need to continue a relationship with them or try to repair it. You can forgive someone without reconciling with them because the forgiveness is for you more than it is for them -- it can bring you peace and happiness, and heal those emotional wounds.

For further encouragement, think about these words from well-known playwright Tyler Perry, who told Oprah magazine how he came to forgive and accept a lifetime of abuse at his father’s hands: "When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward."

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22 Comments to "Letting Go of Anger"
The profile picture for uaanshutzlake.
uaanshutzlake says:
Mon, 03/30/2015 - 13:33

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The profile picture for Valerieanne.
Valerieanne says:
Sat, 08/09/2014 - 23:01

To: Kimberlie-
I have to disagree with your rude, negitive behavior towards this Author. I mean i get what your saying about Karma and do agree with what your saying about that is correct. But you are going all about this attack on her all wrong. To me, i took her writing as a small piece of how huge Karma really is. I got what she was saying, she just touched on the many reasonings of Karma. This could be her expierience and her truth on what Karma means to her. So instead of being so quick to judge, sit back, open your mind and be creative on seeing how all this relates. It's hard for me to believe that you," As a Certified Wellness Coach" reacted so Harsh and Negitive. A certified wellness coach would of handled this with Love and Kindness from the Heart. We are trying to put Love into the Universe, not Hate. Just saying......

The profile picture for Valerieanne.
Valerieanne says:
Sat, 08/09/2014 - 23:01

To: Kimberlie-
I have to disagree with your rude, negitive behavior towards this Author. I mean i get what your saying about Karma and do agree with what your saying about that is correct. But you are going all about this attack on her all wrong. To me, i took her writing as a small piece of how huge Karma really is. I got what she was saying, she just touched on the many reasonings of Karma. This could be her expierience and her truth on what Karma means to her. So instead of being so quick to judge, sit back, open your mind and be creative on seeing how all this relates. It's hard for me to believe that you," As a Certified Wellness Coach" reacted so Harsh and Negitive. A certified wellness coach would of handled this with Love and Kindness from the Heart. We are trying to put Love into the Universe, not Hate. Just saying......

The profile picture for Kimberle.
Kimberle says:
Sat, 08/02/2014 - 22:12

To be honest this article is so far from truth it's insulting! So many obvious examples that the author has no amount of understanding of what they are writing. As a certified Wellness coach I have studied with several top Spiritual teachers, Deepak Chopra, Davidji and more. I studied the Spiritual Laws one being 'KARMA" you state that Karma is something you can damage or lose..and where did you get these guide to good Karma golden rules? KARMA is; the Law of Cause and Affect; "Karma isn’t about being punished or destined to suffer endlessly, as many people mistakenly believe. Instead, the law of karma offers us complete freedom" Deepak Chopra 7 Spiritual Laws of Success.

As if that completely untrue statement weren't enough her comes the steps to "Let Go of Anger"
Everything listed by the author seems like they made it up as they went along.

Letting Go regardless of what it is is a process that they actually said kind of;
This process does not start with "Examining your Anger" Anger is not a tangible object to be dissected and reviewed. Emotions are responses to how we perceive the environment around us..REACTIONS come from being ENGAGED because we have ATTACHED to the drama or situation we either choose to be engaged or we can choose to be an OBSERVER staying present and grounded because we understand that nothing is personal.

Take a step Back??? Are you serious with what you stated? I don't even know where to begin with this gem of a step so I'll just say this; The authors attempt at stringing together little bits of overheard conversations or lines in the nearest Book on Spirituality and think they created a step that though has no validity, or accurate source but makes no sense whatsoever and comes off like some odd dialogue 2 third grade kids acted out overhearing their parents talk.

From here it just gets more comical, insulting, embarrassing, and results in revealing the incredible lack of integrity this site holds. Fake it til you make it OK; Moving on of course how simple this letting go thing is!

As a reputable Life Coach, Spiritual Counselor, Practitioner of alternative medicine and one who like most traveled a path that lead us to becoming students and teachers of the TRUE Spiritual way of living, it is through enduring obstacles people such as the author cannot even fathom let alone survive with an awareness and gratitude for the universal Laws, TRUE inner healing methods, and all learned by experience such as those REAL students and Teachers of Spiritual living, To mock, avoid sharing truth with your readers you choose to disrespect teachings, laws and more which have been existence since time began try to SCAM readers with ridiculous lies instead of sharing truth says it all about your company....Shane on you for passing lies as truth! So done with this place and I will share this with all in my spiritual/new age community!

The profile picture for Analee.
Analee says:
Wed, 08/28/2013 - 13:14

Forgiving is one of my favorite things in this world to do. Watching the weights lift off the shoulders of the person I've forgiven is so satisfying!

I'm pretty thorough about it, too. As with any relationship-oriented process, everybody involved has got to reach out 110% -- 50% never seems to come anywhere near success, so I don't stop when I feel that I've regained the neutral emotional place I had before whatever entanglement occurred. I keep going until I can feel grateful for the experience.

For the curious and those already adept at thought-replacement techniques of inner work, here's how I do it. I think these things to myself:

1) Nothing whatsoever can occur to me that is not in the stream of either my own personal karma or that taken on willingly on behalf of the lights of love and truth in our universe as a whole. The person being forgiven could and can never do anything to me that I didn't or don't have coming to me anyway -- by their hand or some other's. It seems to me that not remembering this truth results in a lot of unlearned life-lessons necessitating that the seeker repeat the educative experience -- which, affirmatively considered, is what 'karma' actually is: a series of educative opportunities and their results (or lack thereof) -- which may explain why so many people re-create the same problems in their lives over and over.

2) I might have had to deal with that individual's unpleasant reality for a short time -- but they have to BE themselves for this entire lifetime. Imagining the reality perceived (and created) by a mind which would perpetrate whatever wrong they did me, it doesn't take long to realize that, of the two of us, they got the rougher assignment this time around. Yet it took living all of that reality for them to be onsite and qualified to step up and serve me that lesson I myself have been too stubborn to learn any other way.

3) All things considered in the Light of Love, gratitude, not enmity, is what I correctly should be feeling toward that afflicted soul, and a heartfelt blessing is what I should be sending when I think of them. I believe this is what J.C. meant when in a very valuable part of his message he urged us to pray for our enemies.

Mimi's right, too: experience teaches that perpetrators don't go long without getting walloped by the Divine -- way better than we ever could, even if we did still feel like doing it.

Which, if we've done our inner work even half conscientiously, we don't anymore.

The profile picture for Mimi.
Mimi says:
Sun, 03/10/2013 - 16:28

forgiveness = let go, and let god. You walk away and leave the problem in god's hands. He will take care of it far better than we ever could. God is the master of revenge. Vengence is mine saith the lord! You go God! Have at them! I'm outta here!

The profile picture for jan.
jan says:
Tue, 03/05/2013 - 20:40

I am working on acceptance but i can never forgive. I have been filled with anger for the last ten years and believe me it has affected every part of my life. All I can say is to get help before it ruins your life and future.

The profile picture for Jennifer.
Jennifer says:
Mon, 09/03/2012 - 12:23

I especially enjoyed the article found under the Oprah magazine link. Like Tyler Perry says, it's all about moving forward and not getting caught in past hurts. It's about moving on and letting go of the past. It's not necessarily fixing what happened. Not all stories have a happy ending but it's never too late for a new beginning. And the past can always serve as a teacher for the future.

The profile picture for jakki.
jakki says:
Sat, 09/01/2012 - 13:26

It is a work in progress.

The profile picture for M. Craig.
M. Craig says:
Tue, 08/28/2012 - 16:11

These are some great tips to remember on how to deal with those that stabbed you in the back and broke your heart. Only a strong person can overcome the bad things.

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