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Letting Go of Anger is a Karmic Must

Don't fuel the fury -- learn to forgive!

Every guide to good Karma starts with one golden rule: Let go of anger! And did you know it's easier to find forgiveness while the Sun is in compassionate Pisces?

If someone has hurt you and you’re holding on to pain and anger, you’re holding yourself back from moving on and you’re doing damage to your own Karma.

Right. We all get that part. But just try suggesting forgiveness to someone struggling with huge hurt and you’re met with cries of “But, how??” or “I wish!”

Well, now's your chance to open a door to healing and understanding. 

Trust us, forgiveness may not be easy, but it’s not impossible -- and it’s essential for your mental health. Letting go of anger begins with empathy and acceptance, and perhaps some conscious work on your own behavior and thought patterns.

Here are a few tips to help you work toward letting go of anger so you can move on:

Examine your anger

First ask yourself, is your level of anger appropriate and proportionate to the way you feel you were wronged? If you feel your anger is valid, you can start by working toward acceptance. If you are filled with rage and bent on revenge (which is never ok), you likely need to speak with a professional to help you work through it.

Start with acceptance

You cannot change what happened, so you must learn to accept it. And remember that “acceptance” is a gateway to forgiveness. Perhaps you can’t forgive right away, but if you can try to acknowledge and accept what happened it’s a solid first step.

Take a step back

Physically remove yourself from the source of your anger. Don’t see the person or cause of your anger, don’t speak to them and remove any tokens that remind you of the situation. The less you think about it, see it and talk about it, the less you’ll continue to feel it. Distract yourself with things that make you happy instead of fueling the fury.

Fake it ‘til you make it

We don’t mean you should pretend to forgive when you don’t, but you could try to act as though you have. That behavior will smooth the anger ripples so eventually you won’t just be acting.

What if they make it too hard?

If you're struggling to forgive someone who won't apologize or admit any wrong, try apologizing to them first. It may seem backward, but it will open the door to communication if you can be the bigger person. Beyond that, it may help to write in your journal, meditate or speak with wise friends, and try to reflect on times when the tables were turned and you may have hurt someone yourself.

Moving on

Remember that forgiving someone does not mean you need to continue a relationship with them or try to repair it. You can forgive someone without reconciling with them because the forgiveness is for you more than it is for them -- it can bring you peace and happiness, and heal those emotional wounds.

For further encouragement, think about these words from well-known playwright Tyler Perry, who told Oprah magazine how he came to forgive and accept a lifetime of abuse at his father’s hands: “When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.”

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18 Comments to "Letting Go of Anger is a Karmic Must"
The profile picture for Analee.
Analee says:
Wed, 08/28/2013 - 13:14

Forgiving is one of my favorite things in this world to do. Watching the weights lift off the shoulders of the person I've forgiven is so satisfying!

I'm pretty thorough about it, too. As with any relationship-oriented process, everybody involved has got to reach out 110% -- 50% never seems to come anywhere near success, so I don't stop when I feel that I've regained the neutral emotional place I had before whatever entanglement occurred. I keep going until I can feel grateful for the experience.

For the curious and those already adept at thought-replacement techniques of inner work, here's how I do it. I think these things to myself:

1) Nothing whatsoever can occur to me that is not in the stream of either my own personal karma or that taken on willingly on behalf of the lights of love and truth in our universe as a whole. The person being forgiven could and can never do anything to me that I didn't or don't have coming to me anyway -- by their hand or some other's. It seems to me that not remembering this truth results in a lot of unlearned life-lessons necessitating that the seeker repeat the educative experience -- which, affirmatively considered, is what 'karma' actually is: a series of educative opportunities and their results (or lack thereof) -- which may explain why so many people re-create the same problems in their lives over and over.

2) I might have had to deal with that individual's unpleasant reality for a short time -- but they have to BE themselves for this entire lifetime. Imagining the reality perceived (and created) by a mind which would perpetrate whatever wrong they did me, it doesn't take long to realize that, of the two of us, they got the rougher assignment this time around. Yet it took living all of that reality for them to be onsite and qualified to step up and serve me that lesson I myself have been too stubborn to learn any other way.

3) All things considered in the Light of Love, gratitude, not enmity, is what I correctly should be feeling toward that afflicted soul, and a heartfelt blessing is what I should be sending when I think of them. I believe this is what J.C. meant when in a very valuable part of his message he urged us to pray for our enemies.

Mimi's right, too: experience teaches that perpetrators don't go long without getting walloped by the Divine -- way better than we ever could, even if we did still feel like doing it.

Which, if we've done our inner work even half conscientiously, we don't anymore.

The profile picture for Mimi.
Mimi says:
Sun, 03/10/2013 - 16:28

forgiveness = let go, and let god. You walk away and leave the problem in god's hands. He will take care of it far better than we ever could. God is the master of revenge. Vengence is mine saith the lord! You go God! Have at them! I'm outta here!

The profile picture for jan.
jan says:
Tue, 03/05/2013 - 20:40

I am working on acceptance but i can never forgive. I have been filled with anger for the last ten years and believe me it has affected every part of my life. All I can say is to get help before it ruins your life and future.

The profile picture for Jennifer.
Jennifer says:
Mon, 09/03/2012 - 12:23

I especially enjoyed the article found under the Oprah magazine link. Like Tyler Perry says, it's all about moving forward and not getting caught in past hurts. It's about moving on and letting go of the past. It's not necessarily fixing what happened. Not all stories have a happy ending but it's never too late for a new beginning. And the past can always serve as a teacher for the future.

The profile picture for jakki.
jakki says:
Sat, 09/01/2012 - 13:26

It is a work in progress.

The profile picture for M. Craig.
M. Craig says:
Tue, 08/28/2012 - 16:11

These are some great tips to remember on how to deal with those that stabbed you in the back and broke your heart. Only a strong person can overcome the bad things.

The profile picture for Jenny S.
Jenny S says:
Thu, 01/12/2012 - 06:10

Thank You. This advise is really true but my problem is I have this friend who for yrs. was my best friend and when we started working together I seen a side of her that I had never seen before and she got on my last nerve she is one that no matter what she does she is always right and very noisy even when u r talking to someone else she always puts her opinion in when it does not concern her she will never apologize for anything even tho there is many times when she really needs to say she is sorry. She thinks she is better than anyone and trust me she is not. we r not best friends any longer we still speak but not like we use to our husbands r business partners and very close friends so I tolerate her only for my husband. I wish things was like it use to be but it will never be that way she has caused alot of problems and I am done with it. My life is much more at peace since I have backed away from her. She is always talking about someone and they r suppose to be her friends. I just dont understand why she is like that but one good thing we dont work together any longer.

The profile picture for Jenny S.
Jenny S says:
Thu, 01/12/2012 - 05:55

Thank You. This advise is really true but my problem is I have this friend who for yrs. was my best friend and when we started working together I seen a side of her that I had never seen before and she got on my last nerve she is one that no matter what she does she is always right and very noisst me y even when u r talking to someone else she always puts her opinion in when it does not concern her she will never apologize for anything even tho there is many times when she really needs to say she is sorry. She thinks she is better than anyone and trust me she is not. we r not best friends any longer we still speak but not like we use to our husbands r business partners and very close friends so I tolerate her only for my husband. I wish things was like it use to be but it will never be that way she has caused alot of problems and I am done with it. My life is much more at peace since I have backed away from her.

The profile picture for Jenny S.
Jenny S says:
Thu, 01/12/2012 - 05:55

Thank You. This advise is really true but my problem is I have this friend who for yrs. was my best friend and when we started working together I seen a side of her that I had never seen before and she got on my last nerve she is one that no matter what she does she is always right and very noisst me y even when u r talking to someone else she always puts her opinion in when it does not concern her she will never apologize for anything even tho there is many times when she really needs to say she is sorry. She thinks she is better than anyone and trust me she is not. we r not best friends any longer we still speak but not like we use to our husbands r business partners and very close friends so I tolerate her only for my husband. I wish things was like it use to be but it will never be that way she has caused alot of problems and I am done with it. My life is much more at peace since I have backed away from her.

The profile picture for Zaahira.
Zaahira says:
Thu, 12/22/2011 - 12:22

This all makes perfectly good sense, and I know that it actually works. But, I am in a very complex situation right now that is making it very, very difficult to forgive and be happy. Why? Becuase I have to work with this horrid, evil person every day and in close proximity. And, this wonderful person continues to manipulate others, cause me problems, turn people at work against me, make snide remarks, etc... Unfortunately, our boss thinks she is an angel, becuase she is the queen of manipulation and lies. If I were to tell him any of these goings on, he would get mad at me and not believe. So, here I am, day in and day out, stuck with a horrid person who continues to hurt me. So, I tried the forgive and forget and live my life and not let her drama effect me and her insecurities effect me. But, day in and day out it wears down a person's soul. Leave you may say. Well, then she gets what she wants, but more importantly, this is my effing dream job and I make a ton of money. The economy is hell and selling my house when I am about $80 grand in the hole makes it difficult, to say the least. So, I live every day in hell with a psycho and it is incredibly difficult to keep a happy face every single day and not let it affect me.

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