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Don't You Dare Dish That Up!

Holiday foods to avoid serving every horoscope sign

by Jessica Hulett

'Tis the season for big dinners and holiday parties! But what to serve? Not everyone loves pumpkin pie, fruitcake, or eggnog. Planning your menu really depends on what horoscope signs you have on your guest list. Read these tips on what NOT to serve, based on every guest's sign. And if your party patrons come in all the astrological flavors, try a variety of finger food!

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Firey Rams like their food to match their spicy personalities, so anything bland or unseasoned is a definite no-no. The worst gift you could give an Aries palate is a boring fruitcake -- instead of a kiss under the mistletoe, you'll be kissing this sign goodbye.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Bulls like gourmet comfort food -- the more carbs, the better. But not just any carbs -- this sign dislikes food that's hastily thrown together with processed ingredients. If you have a Taurus on your holiday guest list, keep them far away from the Chex Mix.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

This sign doesn't like to sit down to a big, heavy meal -- they'd rather mingle while snacking. A plum pudding would be torture to a Gemini -- it takes precious hours to prepare, and leaves a lump in the stomach that will surely slow them down.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

This sign loves sweets, with one caveat -- they must be homemade. If it's not made with love, it's not worth the calories. As far as Crabs are concerned, candy canes are just fine for decorating, but don't expect them to actually eat one.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

When it comes to feeding the king (or queen) of the jungle, only the best will do. Nothing would make a Leo recoil faster than can-shaped cranberry sauce. And don't try to doctor up the store-bought version and pass it off as homemade -- they'll sniff out the truth.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

The most health-conscious sign of the zodiac, Virgo knows a thing or two about salmonella. Which is why you won't get this sign anywhere near eggnog. It may be delicious, but those raw eggs (even if they're organic, says this sign) are a definite no-no.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

The sign of politeness, Libra will eat anything you serve them, but that doesn't mean they'll like it. Strong flavors and spices don't please this sign's palate, so if you see them suffering through the gingerbread in silence, don't take it personally.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Scorpios like secret ingredients and arduous cooking processes more than any other sign, so anything hum-drum will make them say "ho-hum." They'd be positively bored with a green bean casserole, as the recipe graces every can of cream of mushroom soup.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

This sign loves exotic food, because it reminds them of all their travels and adventures. The more traditional the dish, the more bored this sign will be. The quintessentially American holiday fare of turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes is a definite don't for Sag.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Capricorn is the most traditional sign of the zodiac, and that goes double for holiday fare. Any recipe that says "new" or "with a twist" will not be a hit with the Goat. So skip the pumpkin-caramel mousse and go straight for the classic pumpkin pie -- hold the pecans.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

The Aquarian diet is as eclectic as their social circle. Apple pie may be the epitome of American dessert, but to them it's like inviting the dull guy from accounting to the party. Pick up some marzipan for an Aquarius guest -- it will appeal to their sense of the absurd.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

The Fish likes to have a good time like any other sign, but they tend to overdo it with the booze. Keep the mulled wine and wassail far away from Pisces -- and make sure you have some tasty nonalcoholic drinks to tempt them with instead.

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3 Comments to "Don't You Dare Dish That Up!"
The profile picture for Margaret V. Taylor.
Margaret V. Taylor says:
Tue, 11/20/2012 - 07:42

They are right about the Gemini, the last thing I want to do is eat a heavy meal and then get sleepy!!! That is no way to have a good time.

The profile picture for John.
John says:
Tue, 11/20/2012 - 07:30

Hi Kris,

My bet is that even though your Sun sign is Libra, you probably have many different signs in your Ascendant and moon. And this is why you feel this is not accurate for you. Do you have any Aries in your chart in on of those signs?

The profile picture for Kris.
Kris says:
Tue, 12/27/2011 - 20:12

Are you kidding?! I'm a Libra, and I LOVE strong flavors and spices! Serve me something bland, and I'll forget about being polite. You'll be lucky to get me to swallow ONE bite of it. Save that bland slop for invalids and give me something I can taste.

Oh, and fruitcake? Disgusting. Give me gingerbread, lemon cake, chocolate, rum, you name it, but that musty, mothball-tasting abomination isn't fit for anything but setting on fire.

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